To My Darling Husband on his Birthday

I love you with every beat of my heart, every cell of my body, and every sparkle of my soul. Thanks for the adventures. 
I love you. ~H

The Day We Accidentally Eloped

This past summer we took the kids to Montana for our annual summer visit. We visited the Madison County Courthouse in Virginia City where Dave and I were married in 1996, almost 18 years ago. (Sheesh! How did that happen??). As I recounted the tail of our nuptials for the kids I realized that it was a story worth sharing and documenting for the great grandkids. (Yes, I fully expect that the great grandkids will enjoy GG's blog!!).

Here's the story...

It was the summer of 1996. I was 20 and Dave was 26. We were planning to be married on the Madison River in Montana. We had planned an ultra groovy ceremony perfect for our river-side-dog-friendly-shoe-optional-locale. Our ceremony would be complete with bare feet, Enya, and an ivy covered trellis, hand made by Dave. It would be my dream wedding (and my husband-to-be conceded to my every whimsical desire. Thanks, Honey.). One detail that we both agreed upon was that we didn't want an officiator. We didn't feel the necessity for the state's permission in our unity. At least not in the ceremony of our unity. We agreed that we wanted to spend our lives together, and why did we need the blessing of the state to make it so? We felt that all we needed was our life long commitment to each other, the blessing of our families and a ceremony to be witnessed by our dearest friends and family. (Aside - Now, almost 20 years later - March 2014, in light of the recent denial of marriage equality by so many states, I am proud to have foregone the blessing of the state in my own ceremony.)

But back to June of '96 - So there we were planning our groovy ceremony, and we realized that even though we didn't want an officiator to be a part of our ceremony, we did want to come out of our "wedding" as legal husband and wife. We realized we would have to go to the Madison County Courthouse beforehand to get a marriage license, which we assumed was how you made a marriage legally binding. So about a week before our nuptials we made the 45 minute drive to Virginia City, adding to our "To Do in Town" list: file marriage license. We figured filing our marriage license would be as simple as getting a license for our dog: fill out an application, pay a fee, and file it with Bundy, the county clerk. You filed everything with Bundy in our tiny county: dog licenses, car registration, property tax, and, we figured, marriage licenses. So we arrived at the county clerk's window, wearing our usual errand running attire of the 90's: Levi's and hiking boots and told Bundy we were there to get our marriage license. We explained to her that we were planning a groovy wedding ceremony and we wouldn't have an officiator but that we wanted to be sure that we were legally married when it was all said and done. She tilted her head and looked at us through the readers on the tip of her nose, assessing whether or not we were serious. Once satisfied she said, "Ok. Then you two will need to go see Judge O'Malley." Great. We thanked her and inquired as to where we could find Judge O'Malley.

"I'll have her meet you upstairs in the courtroom. Did you bring a witness?" she asked as she glanced down at our matching flannels and hiking boots. We looked at each other.

"A witness for what?"

She smiled and said, "Never mind. I'll send someone up."

So up to the courtroom we went figuring that was where the applications for the marriage licenses would be found.

The courtroom of the second floor of the 150 year old, brick Virginia City Courthouse was empty and cold and slightly creepy with the 20 foot ceilings, heavy red velvet drapes and rows of wooden pews that had surely seen all varieties of atrocities since the 1860's. We sat in the front row and waited. Eventually, Judge O'Malley arrived wearing a long black robe. She was trailed by two women in business suits and sneakers. I recognized them from downstairs. Smiling, she said, "You two ready?"

We were slightly confused. Ready for what? To pay our fee? To sign our application? But we didn't want to seem like the ignorant, barely twenty-somethings that we were so we hopped up from our pew and said, "Yes, ma'am." We approached her where she stood in front of her heavy oak desk with the name plate that read Honorable MaryAnn O'Malley. She asked us to face each other while the other two women shuffled around and stood behind us. "You can join hands." We looked at each. Weird. But it wasn't until Judge MaryAnn O'Malley said,

"Welcome everyone. We are gathered here today..."

that we finally understood.

"...to witness the joining of these two people in matrimony. Do you, Dave, take Heather to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love and to cherish her, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"

Holy $#@%! We were getting married!! Right then and there. In our Levi's and our hiking boots. At the Virginia City Courthouse. In Madison County, Montana. And we hadn't even planned it!! Honestly.

"I do."

"And do you, Heather, take Dave to be your lawfully wedded husband? To love and to cherish him, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"

Holy $#@%!

"I do."

"Do you have a ring?"

"Uhhh." I took off the ring that Dave and I had chosen to symbolize our groovy commitment to each other and that I already wore on the ring finger of my left hand and gave it back to him. The ladies shuffled in their sneakers.

"Repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed."

"With this ring, I thee wed." And he put it back on my finger.

Dave took off the ring that I had picked out for him and gave it back to me.

"Repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed."

"With this ring, I thee wed." And I put his ring back on the ring finger of his left hand. I daresay, we both trembled a little.

"By the power vested in me by the state of Montana, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride."

Holy $#&%! We just got married!! We had just eloped!!! And we didn't even mean to. Our parents didn't even know!! Our siblings didn't know! Holy $#&%! We looked at each other and we could hardly contain ourselves. We laughed right out loud. Right there in the Honorable MaryAnn O'Malley's courtroom we laughed. And we kissed. And we laughed again. And we hugged. We were married. Just like that.

"Congratulations!" The two women said, clapping their hands.

"Congratulations," said MaryAnn O'Malley.

And we all went back downstairs to sign our marriage license, pay our fee, and file it with Bundy.

Dave and Heather in front of the Madison County Courthouse in Virginia City, MT, June 24, 1996 - right after we got married without knowing it. Four years later to the day, our second son, Emerson, would be born. 

A visit to the courthouse in 2003.

A visit to the courthouse in 2013. 

Virginia City, MT 2013

 In our Levi's and hiking boots with the Honorable MaryAnn O'Malley in 2013. 

Sail on the Wild Side

I may have mentioned that Dave has started making "movies" of our adventure on iMovie. They are so enjoyable to watch and I thought maybe you all would enjoy them as much as we do. (It's embarrassing. We watch them over and over.) Here are the links:

Em's trailer

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Dave's Super Fun New Hobby

We so enjoyed Emerson's trailer that Dave started making his own super fun videos of our trip on iMovie. (Amazing the fun things to do on your computer when you have no internet...)

 Below are the youtube links:

Emerson's Trailer

Chapter 1 - Getting Ready 

Chapter 2 - Panama - Honduras

Chapter 3 - Rio Dulce

Three's A Crowd

My job as a wife is in jeopardy.

I'm in danger of being replaced.

By the iWife.

Also know as the iPhone 4S.

And I'm beginning to feel like a bit of a third wheel. They're inseparable. They spend all of their free time together. And she's always all up on his butt. I mean, I'm all about PDA, but seriously. It's a bit much.

The other day I overheard Dave talking to his iWife, and I'm pretty sure he was whispering sweet nothings.  Then I heard him say, "Remind me September 25 is my mom's birthday."

That's when I knew I was in trouble.

And the iWife responded in a delightfully cheerful tone, "Shall I create a reminder?"

I mean, we all know the appropriate response should have been, "What am I? Your secretary?"
      (Wifery 101)

And when he gave her the go ahead, she was a little too quick to reply in her sing-song Tinker Bell voice, "Reminder created!" I mean, the eagerness. It was embarrassing. Show some restraint, Girl.

At least I've got better boobs.

And, yes, she'll be going sailing with us. God forbid we leave her at home. 

*This pic was taken the last time we took the kids sailing on Balance. San Blas Islands - 2006.
**We leave two weeks from yesterday!

Sayulita

I know it's been about a hundred years since I updated my blog. To my utmost surprise, people are kind of upset about it! I'm receiving hate mail! Just kidding. It's more like stink mail..."When are you gonna update your blog?? It's been like 3 months!" I'm always surprised to hear that anyone reads my blog aside from Dave (And me. I have to admit I love to read my own blog. It can be a problem.) Anyway, here's an update:

Dave and I recently got back from a week in Sayulita...sans kids!! It was a first for us. We've left them over night; even two (maybe 3) nights. But never for a week. It was heaven. I only missed them a little (and really that's being generous). Does that mean I'm out of the running for "Mom of the Year"? Well, maybe it'll improve my standing in "Wife of the Year". Either way, it was lovely. 

Since we didn't have our kids with us, I was forced to take pictures of trees...

...and beers... 

...and cars...

...and fishermen...

...and flowers...

...and this little plane flying over the Sayulita surf...

...and other people's sun kissed babes...

...and other people's kids gettin' tubular at the Left.  You rocked that wave, Rory!!

This is a bad picture of us, but it's the only one I got of the two of us!

Of course, I still got lots of pics of Dave surfing the Left. 

We had an awesome time and were amazingly efficient with our week. Dave installed a sweet solar system at the Barefoot House (the meters are turning backwards!) and we were able to get his FM3 renewed in record time - phew! It was a great trip. And thanks to Aunt Hannie and the Miami Grandparents the kids had a great time, too!

Moving In and Dave's Broken Nose

We are officially moved in to (read: "all our crap is now within the walls of") the Barefoot House. Here are some pics of our first hours:

Piles, piles, everywhere...

But, at least we have the letter magnets on the fridge. Evie's doing her part.

The kids' room "undone".

Voila! I can deal with piles of c.r.a.p. as long as beds are made, right? See the ladder going up to the boys' sleeping loft? I don't have a good pic of it yet, but if you make this bigger you can see the edge with the rail.

Check out the concrete bed frame. It's all about the concrete here in Mexico. I, myself, was a nonbeliever. But, now, I've seen the light.

Ahhh. Just in time for bed. Still need to find a king duvet cover. Not so easy to find down here. You must click on this pic to make it bigger and check out the painting above our bed. It's just the coolest. We scored it for $1100 pesos or about $88 U.S. I just love it.

Before...

After.

We named our casa "Barefoot House" because the pool looks just like a foot (and because Casa Huella - is just too hard to say). Then we chanced upon Barefoot wine, which excited us very much, yes it did. We bought a bottle at the Mega, and last night we opened it to celebrate our first night in our little casita. Check out the acid stained concrete countertop with pebble aggregate in the kitchen. We're pretty excited about that, too.

And, lastly, Dave broke his nose surfing. He took a spill and his board popped up and kadoogied him right in the nose. The good news? It was "the best wave of my life". Dude.
P.S. I think that shade of purple does wonders for his turquoise eyes. Don't you?

He Does Love Me...Usually

One December Dave came to me with regret in his eyes and said, "I haven't bought you anything for Christmas. I really don't know what to get you. Is there something you want this year?" I thought about it and there was something I wanted - a love note. From him. He'd never really written me a love note. Thankfully he's not really the love-note-writing type, otherwise I probably wouldn't have fallen for him. Too much ooey, gooey, mushy love makes me queasy. Anyway, over our 14+ years he's given me lots and lots of cards with very sweet, handwritten sentiments that usually make me misty. And you know they're all safely tucked away in my fire proof safe with my other "valuables". But I wanted a love note. Or better yet a love letter. A long juicy love letter. Laying it all out there. Why did he love me? What exactly did he find loveable about me? I wanted to know. So that year I asked him for a love letter. And on Christmas morning, poking out from the top of my stocking was the following note: (I felt inspired to share it here for two reasons: 1) It's Valentine's weekend - did you hear? and 2) Dave is a little irritated with me today and sometimes when that happens I like to read this letter to remind myself that he does, in fact, adore me - usually. I only omitted a couple of items that I didn't want my father-in-law to read. Sorry, Bill.)

What I love about Heather…

I love who you bring out in me.

I love how we met.

I love that you let me put my cold hands on your skin.

I love how good you are at giving birth.

I love knowing someone who knows me so well.

I love how you are such a good listener.

I love that you surrender to me.

I love your upside down smile.

I love how you make up words.

I love your hair in a pony tail.

I love road trips with you and long talks.

I love that you are honest.

I love that you support me sailing even when it makes you sick.

I love growing old with you.

I love that you don’t wear make-up.

I love how tall you are.

I love when you sing.

I love the photo albums you keep.

I love the way we got married.

I love your nose.

I love what you see in me.

I love that you bring me water when I am thirsty.

I love that you worry about things so I don’t have to.

I love that you are a stay home Mom.

I love that you are ticklish on your bikini line.

I love putting my hand under your hip at night.

I love how picky you are about your pillows.

I love how you dream.

I love watching you mature and get more beautiful every year.

I love how you touch me.

I love how soft your skin is.

I love how you trust me.

I love how well you pack for trips and unpack weeks later.

I love when you take time for yourself.

I love how you parent.

I love how you buy plants and let them die.

I love how you are always late.

I love your companionship.

I love when you wake up and find me in the shower or making breakfast.

I love how you run the heater till it is 74 degrees.

I love your cooking.

I love staying healthy because I know it means I will have more time with you later.

I love when you help me with my problems.

I love your imagination.

I love how you look in a snug shirt with nothing underneath.

I love the way you order at restaurants.

I love that you are such a good driver.

I love how you can only do one thing at a time.

I love how you crack your knuckles when you are nervous.

I love how you can talk me to sleep.

I love how you let me be right.

I love your input on business decisions.

I love that you like Jimmy Buffet.

I love when I startle you and you do that karate chop.

I love the way you sneeze.

I love that you remember my childhood better than me.

I love when you laugh really hard.

I love that you love me even though I am not romantic.

I love that small mole in the groove of your hip.

I love the shape of your body.

I love how you take forever to cut my hair and then follow me around with scissors.

I love how you scrub my back in the shower.

I love how you rescue baby birds.

I love your pregnant belly.

I love the way you ask for my advice and don’t take it.

I love how proud you are when you mow the lawn.

I love that I am married to such a good person.

I love the expressions on your face and the lines by your eyes.

I love how you skip when we’re holding hands.

I love how you say “it will actually save me money”

I love your passion for life.

I love you because when I am down you always help me up.

Happy Valentine's Day

May we all be surrounded by love this weekend and always.

My Darling Husband on his 40th

When Dave and I were first married and Cole was just a baby we lived and worked in Montana. My mother in law owned a cabin camp and we ran it for the summer and fall months. And I was depressed. Only now, 12 years later, can I really say that with clarity. I was depressed. And I felt so guilty for being depressed (even though at the time I really didn't call it that). And of course feeling guilty, in turn, made me more depressed. I hated that I couldn't snap out of it. That I wasn't strong enough to will away the sadness and emptiness. "What is your problem?" I would ask myself. "You have the perfect life; everything you've ever asked for. An adoring husband, a darling baby, a lifestyle that allows you to spend everyday with them. You don't have a thing in the world to be sad about. And shame on you for not feeling happy every single day." These are the tongue lashings I would give myself, which typically didn't help me to feel any happier. I adored my husband and my baby. I loved being in Montana. But still, I was miserable. It certainly wasn't a suicidal sort of depression, but it was definitely the kind that made me want to stay in bed...all day. And my poor, darling husband. Trying to do his job and mine with a baby on his hip, while his wife drifted further and further away from him.

Then one day he must have grown tired of feeling helpless. I remember him coming into our bedroom (it was probably noon) and gently lifting me from under the covers. He carried me to the shower and said simply,

"It's time to get up and start your day."

"I don't want to," I replied.

"I know. But, it's time," he whispered helping me out of my p.j.'s and into the shower. "You'll feel better soon."

I could hardly imagine that he could love me anyway. Even though I was so pathetic. Even though I didn't love myself. But, he did. He loved me more than ever. And he didn't give up on me. That day he washed my hair, brushed my teeth, got me dressed and then called his friend Jay, recently graduated from med school. Jay recommended that I get out everyday for fresh air and exercise. Get the endorphins flowing. So everyday that summer Dave would load my bike with the baby seat onto the back of his '64 Scout, and Cole and I would ride up and back down the West Fork and pick wild raspberries. The depression subsided and has stayed at bay ever since.

Every now and then I think about that day in Montana when Dave plucked me from my despair and helped me right myself. Thank you, my sweet. Thank you for being an amazing and brave husband and loving me unconditionally and walking this journey beside me.

I love you.

And happy birthday.

~H

Look...

At what the cat dragged in...

He got home Friday night. So glad to have him home safe and sound. Now just to fatten him up...

View from the car on our snowy drive home from MT.

Does that say 20 degrees?

Burrr!

I've been meaning to post these pics from when Cole got home from science camp a couple of weeks ago. Brace yourself...

"I hope none of my friends are watching."

I missed my Bubba!

The boys were glad to see each other, too. I found them cozied up together the next morning watching a movie on Cole's PSP.

Ocassionally, one of the kids will get a hold of a camera and take about a million pictures of...well...everything. You know the ones - couch cushions, piano keys, sister's toes, people's butts, etc. Here are a couple of my favorites from one morning when Evie was in charge of the camera. Above -- a self portrait.

Mommy and Daddy - glad to be making breakfast together on a leisurely Sunday morning.

We grew pumpkins in our garden this year. Here's one of the six we got from our "pumpkin patch" (which, by the way, took over almost the whole garden and a good portion of the lawn).

Love Languages

So Cole's off to Science Camp, Dave's back to Montana, and I'm back to lovin' on my blog. We had a lovely weekend. Great to have some quality time with Dave, marked by a rather intense
heart-to-heart* on Sunday. Amazing the clarity that comes from spending two weeks apart, and apparently, there were some things we needed to iron out.

In a nutshell, we need to remember to speak each other's love languages. Have you read that book? The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? I just picked me up a copy yesterday (even though I was familiar with the basic concepts). Now, when I say "we" I mean me. Apparently, even though I feel like I'm screaming from the mountain tops how much I love and adore my husband, to him I may as well be saying, "Wah wah wah wah wah wah." I simply have not been speaking his love language. And we've been here before. And he's taught me his language before. But, gradually, over time I slip back into speaking my native tongue, and he feels neglected and unloved. This is always devastating and shocking news to me, because anyone who knows me, even a little bit, knows that I love my husband more than anything on God's Green Earth. I'm surprised that I can even share this on my blog, 'cause here's the deal. I'm not a perfect mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah...who is?, you say. But I really thought that I would be and it comes as a bit of a shock to me that I'm not. I make mistakes everyday in my mothering career, but I honestly thought (and took comfort in knowing) that at least I'm a kick ass wife (Am I allowed to use mild profanity on my blog? They say it in Shrek, you know...).

So, to hear, from the perfect mouth of the person I love the most, that he doesn't feel loved...well, let's just say the words "BIG, FAT, FAILURE" come to mind, which, on Sunday, was almost more than I could bear. Now, please do not feel sorry for me. I have an excellent marriage, and this type of break down and the subsequent growth that spurs from it, is what makes it so. Besides, as they say, making up is always fun.

In summary, I know Dave knows that I love him more than anything. And I know that I'm a kick ass wife. But, I also know that my native love language is often lost on him. Therefore, I am very excited to hone my language skills so that I can more fully express my love for my husband in a way that he can understand. Amen.

I hope I haven't bared my soul too egregiously for anyone. But lately, I'm all about being honest. Painfully honest. What other option is there, really?

*I call it a heart-to-heart because in the end I like to think we grew from it. (Plus I'm a cup half full kinda girl). However, I do recognize that most people would simply call it a lovers' quarrel (and even that's being mild).

**Sweetie, I hope you don't mind that I shared so many gory details of our weekend, but I know that you're all about being honest, too.

P.S. I love you. hee hee

Sight for Sore Eyes

Soli and I picked up Dave from the airport shuttle on Friday at noon, and boy was he a sight for sore eyes! Unshaven and smelling of sawdust...my heart was all aflutter.

Soli was as smitten as me. "I missed you, Daddy."

And we could hardly wipe the smiles from our faces.

A Love Note for Me

Waiting in my inbox this morning:

Everything I am doing up here reminds me of us and how perfect we are as a couple. Mostly I think about the future, when the kids are older and the house is quiet. I think about being able to spend time together just the two of us here. I feel like this cabin is our 5th child. It is a part of us, only this time I am the one going through "labor". In my own way I am building memories that we have not had yet. Every piece of siding and every floorboard that goes in gets me one step closer to getting back to you and starting to enjoy those memories. I am sorry that I am away from you. I miss your smile and your touch. I miss your company and your support.
Please give the kids each one extra back scratch for me tonight and tell them that it is from Dad, I will make it up to you when I get home...
DS

I miss you...

My sweet love,

It's very late and I can't sleep. Our bed feels very big and empty without you. I keep the pillows piled up on your side so it seems like you're there. Then when one of the kids comes in to cuddle on my side, I'm squished in the middle like always.

Thanks for all your hard work on the cabin. It's coming along beautifully. I can't wait to fall asleep in your arms listening to the river.

I hope you'll be able to come home on Friday. We miss you too much on the weekends.

A few of the things I miss the most:

*your smell
*the sound of your footsteps on the wood floor
*your help with the kids at bedtime
*your warm skin
*listening to you work
*watching Grey's Anatomy
*cuddling

I love you with all that I am. Every cell of my body, every beat of my heart, and every sparkle of my soul.

Come home to me, my love.

~H

A year ago today...

I've been mentally writing this post since the beginning of December, but I'm only just now sitting down to type it all out. A year ago, on December 6, 2006 the kids and I flew to Guatemala to foster Soleil until her adoption was complete and we could bring her home. It was a very exciting and uncertain time for our family. Leaving Dave and going to live in a third world country with four kids, for an undetermined length of time, was somewhat nerve wracking. I took comfort in that I knew Antigua well, and I felt very comfortable there. The house we rented was in a community with other fostering families and was very safe with a locked gate and a 24 hour security guard. We spent two amazing months there and I am so very thankful for the time we spent in Soli's beautiful Guatemala. In early December of last year, as we approached the one year anniversary of leaving for Guatemala, I found myself reliving some of the emotions I had felt the year before. I found myself "nesting" as I had done to get ready for our time away. I was anxious to get dentist appointments complete and Christmas shopping done. I was lying awake at night making mental lists of what needed to be done the next day. And I found myself distancing myself from Dave, I suppose, in an attempt to protect myself from the impending separation (or the memory of it). It was intriguing to have the opportunity to examine these emotions as they came up and link them to the happenings of a year ago. It was like having a window into my own psyche and my own human nature, of which the view is usually obscured (at least from my perspective). I didn't realize that I had been holding Dave at an arm's length last year. I remember that we seemed to be out of sync before I left, but I figured it just had to do with the stress and busyness of the time. But in reality what I had been doing was shutting him out of my life as I prepared to survive without him. So interesting... Anyway, once I became aware that I was pushing him away, as I had the year before, I was able to let my guard down and let him back into my life. And I am so very relieved that we won't be leaving him again this year. Being apart for those two months (we haven't spent more than 10 consecutive days apart since the day we met 12 years ago) made us stronger, both as a couple and individually. A year ago today the kids and I were in Guatemala and Dave was home alone. I'm so happy that we'll all be sleeping under one roof tonight. Thanks for checking in. ~Heather

Happy Birthday, Rob!!!

My brother in law is 40 today! I really cannot believe how quickly we are all getting older. Shocking...truly shocking. Sorry we couldn't be with you on your birthday, Rob, but we hope you know just how much we all love you.
Big hugs,
Dave, Heath and the gang

My Very Favorite Person...

I met Dave 11 years ago on the Rio Dulce in Guatemala. The night we met I had no place to stay. He scooped me up and kept me safe and has been doing so ever since. He is the most selfless person I know and has always supported me in following my heart no matter how seemingly crazy the direction. Most recently he has supported me on this crazy adventure called adoption. He was content with three, but being the selfless man that he is, he consented to my plea for "just one more". Of course, when he signed on he didn't know that I would be taking our three older kids to live in Guatemala, leaving him to fend for himself and run our business for an undetermined length of time. But, true to form, he has maintained a loving, supportive attitude about it all. I don't know if he will ever know how appreciative I am for the sacrifices he makes to allow me to live my life so fully. He means the world to me. I love you, Dave. ~H